Today is one of those down days where it takes an insurmountable amount of effort to stay positive. I think it was brought on by the terrible loss last night, although I have managed to keep the positivity flowing in terms of that – there is still hope after all.
But at the moment I am just feeling down about the way things are in my life – as melodramatic as that sounds. I feel as though there is just no excitement in it. I know that I have to create my own excitement, and I really am a believer in the fact that we create our own lives and that the way we react to situations is what takes us forward or holds us back. But sometimes it is difficult to always apply that to your own life, especially when the negative thoughts and the sadness drag you down.
I have felt like this for a while, but I have been holding on to the good days. The days where everything seems perfect and I feel the gratitude and gratefulness of how things are in my life, I mean, I am lucky after all. I have a lot of things in my life that other people are not as lucky to have. But sometimes, no matter how grateful I may feel, I battle to ignore the feeling of life being ‘unfair’. I battle to look past all the people around me, the ones that are not lucky. I battle to stop wondering what makes me special that I get to have a warm bed and a great family, where they don’t even have that. I battle to look past the almost trivial things too – the things that I would feel embarrassed to mention. I know that the majority of people have a whiny teenager inside of them that sometimes comes out, but that doesn’t mean we need to admit to it or talk about in the public domain
I suppose, my biggest problem is just taking control; Pushing myself to move forward, to realize that there is so much out there, so many options and that I need to reach out and grab at them. There is so much to learn in this world, there is so much to see. I don’t want to miss anything. Then again, that might be my problem in the first place!